I didn't shave. On purpose
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
