from now on my penis is your penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
