she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
