i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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