I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
