She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize