Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
