My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
