i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
