hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So many bounce houses so little time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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