I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
