just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
where are you?
Hypothermia
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
