I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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