Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
