the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize