this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
