I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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