Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
