i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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