So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
