Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
