Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
