I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
