People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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