Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
