Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
