I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
