So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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