alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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