just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize