I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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