i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
