Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
