You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
