dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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