Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
