Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
