Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
