Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
