My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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