What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
