I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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