drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
