We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
