She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
