It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
