so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
