what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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