I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
