Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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