She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
