please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize