Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
