bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
