When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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