She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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