this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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