The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
