he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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