did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
