Tell her she can't have a vagina
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
