My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
