I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
