I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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