..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
