I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
