is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
