Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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