I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
