I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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