I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
