I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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