Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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