i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
