A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
