Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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